He’s always out there, reminding me that I’m not the only one.

For example, I spend a lot of time worrying about whether Xenu is finally going to come back and have his revenge. I mean, after being imprisoned in a mountain for 75 million years within the confines of an impenetrable forcefield powered by an eternal battery, Xenu must be all kinds of pissed off. And we know what happens when he gets pissed off…that’s right H-Bombs for everybody. 

Because of this, I’ve been speaking with my wife about building a bunker underground. We were thinking about just buying this old Titan Missile Base, which I would affectionately refer to as my “lair”, but considering the expense - to say nothing of what our friends would think - we have yet to commit.

But Tom Cruise, that guy doesn’t worry about counting costs or appearing sane. He’s also worried about Xenu’s inevitable return, but he’s actually doing something about it.

Hollywood star Tom Cruise is planning to build a bunker at his Colorado home to protect his family in the event of an intergalactic alien attack, according to new reports.

The Mission Impossible actor, who is a dedicated follower of Scientology, is reportedly fearful that deposed galactic ruler ‘Xenu’ is plotting an evil revenge attack on Earth.

I envy your conviction, Tom Cruise. That’s why you’re Operating Thetan Level VI (going on VII!)and I’m not.

All the same, thanks for reminding me that I’m not alone.

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