“Forgive my noticing, Miss…”
The inimitable J.D. Carriere (and I do mean inimitable) has a penchant for the sort of humour (spelled with a “u” in deference to his Canadianishness) that the world no doubt believed died with P.G. Wodehouse.
In his post today, he addresses the way a gentlemen should handle one of the trickier perils of immodesty:
You have, Dear Reader, perhaps had stuck between your teeth something vegetable; a poppy seed, spinach, whatnot.
Likewise indecent exposure. To rectify one’s unintended display, be it buffet or bosom, it is always better to know.
So when a lady has fallen the rest of the way out of her summer top, it is not proper for the gentleman to assume she meant to, whatever the prevailing fashion of the place.Though he be divided between his own discomfort at raising the topic and the plight, unsightly or otherwise, of the hapless lass, the truly decent gentleman willingly undertakes in all things to subordinate his own comfort in service to the other.
He may not shirk, lest, imagine the tumult, the exposed lady next meet her clergyman or her grandfather.
Neither may he snicker or leer. Leering is to be saved for his wife and snickering for later.
So the gentleman will proceed, delicately, thus:
“Forgive my noticing, Miss, but to save you a felony charge it is my profound discomfiture to inform you that you appear to have misplaced your areola. Not, mind you, that it is lost. Rather, Miss, you see it is very much in evidence. I thought it best you should know. Good day.”.
His duty done, he may retire for cocktails.
Filed under: Funny
very astute response indeed…but unfortunately probably only a breastfeeding mom or a med student in today’s society would even know where the areola was located.
Or, apparently, a guy like me. I don’t really know what that says about me…
Well I looked up inimitable and when I get a chance I will seek out this P.G. person. Anyway, thanks for the link, the compliment, and the addition to my vocabulary.
[...] to handle insufficiently dressed females J.D. Carriere (via Steve Skojec) has some excellent advice for men: You have, Dear Reader, perhaps had stuck between your teeth something vegetable; a poppy seed, [...]
This reminds me of a very funny anecdote. I don’t remember the story exactly, or who exactly was involved (Pope John XXIII?), but there was a woman who approached a high-ranking cleric at a wedding or some such event displaying her ample bosom.
The cleric handed her an apple. She asked, “Why are you giving me an apple?”
He replied, “It wasn’t until after Eve ate the apple that she realized she was naked.”
***
Commenting on this anecdote, I once heard a woman say, “Then ushers should hand out apples at the beginning of Mass.”
I’m afraid if I start laughing I won’t be able to stop.
[...] - bookmarked by 6 members originally found by wookie on 2008-08-03 “Forgive my noticing, Miss…” http://steveskojec.com/2008/06/26/forgive-my-noticing-miss/ - bookmarked by 3 members originally [...]