Things are afoot.

Money, that thing we’re not supposed to worship and yet the obtainment of which occupies the majority of our time, is in decidedly short supply these days, and growing shorter.

Word has come down from upon corporate high that all further allotments of pay, including cost of living increases, have been frozen, due to issues affecting revenue, including (but not limited to) the state of the economy.  While this is certainly understandable, the very same economy has prompted the grocery store, gas station, train service, and utility providers to demand ever more cash from me in exchange for even fewer goods and services. They don’t seem interested at all when I tell them I will have to continue paying them the same amount as ever. Thus is the dilemma of life.

Further, my long-suffering friend who has been renting a room from in our house since late 2006 is getting ready to move on, making things that much tighter for us. Even if he stays, a suddenly deteriorating relationship with my landlord, whom I suspect is growing tired of fixing all the things that keep breaking, has indicated that since said friend is not actually on the lease, he may want to begin charging us more for his presence.

We already pay $1900 a month, plus utilities, and the home is heated by oil, which is burned in a boiler that is so inefficient that it consumes between $500 and $1000 a month of black gold, depending on how much antifreeze we want to use to cut the children’s juice.

For my part, a growing sense of discontentment is driving me back to the idea that I shared with you in the late summer of 2006, namely, that the passion and talent I seem to have for doing what I do in this space needs to be expanded into the way I make my living. Nothing else really satisfies. I got derailed during the last financial crisis that hit our family, but I told my present employer during the interview process that my goal in the long run was to go back to school and eventually to teach. I am receiving the irresistible promptings to get moving on that again, and while it seems on the surface counterintuitive to spend money to go to school to get a job that for the immediate term will pay me less, not all compensation is measured in dollars. I can’t escape the feeling that I have been running from a calling in order to better provide financially for my family, only to feel constantly thwarted in being successful in that regard. They always say, “Do what you love, and the money will follow.” While that may be too idealistic, I have evidence that the reverse may in fact be true. All I can do is do my best to do the work I have, while trying to discern what work will be better for me.

So I’ve begun evaluating grad schools, of course too late in the process to get scholarships. (If there are any benefactors out there, I am not above charity!) With luck, I may find an affordable program that will not conflict too much with work, and begin training myself for the next thing. Hopefully, the best thing.

Finally, and certainly not least importantly, the day after father’s day I was informed that we are expecting our fourth child. While this is certainly joyful news, it comes with a bit of trepidation, as it’s the first pregnancy since Jamie had her surgery earlier this year, and there could be complications. Additionally, the baby is due in February, almost on the day when our lease ends, and moving and giving birth are not good bedfellows (and our relationship with the landlord not being stellar, it’s not a lease I want to extend).

All the same, it’s been my experience that God provides more just as the incoming children seem ready to use up the last resources you’ve got, so my trust is in Him. In fact, we just enthroned our current residence to the Sacred Heart last weekend. (One must always attempt to ensure a 1st-class ticket on the faith train.)

All of this is to say - I have a lot on my mind, and when I’m writing here, I’m not writing for money. I haven’t had a column published since May. There’s something about blogging that satisfies (in my case, anyway) the immediacy of the writer’s urge, and takes the edge off the colder, slower process of producing publishable work. Not that I haven’t tried, it’s just that nothing I’ve written has been quite what it needed to be to be useful to anyone.

While I will continue to drop posts here as whim dictates, I’ve got to withdraw somewhat, at least for a while. Blogging may be a sort of therapy, which is why I always come back to it right after I say I have to cool it, but it’s also a sinkhole into which it’s too easy to throw time and effort that might be better spent.

If you can keep our family in your prayers, as we navigate these obstacles, I would be extremely greatful. Even if I don’t know who you are, I will keep my benefactors, spiritual or otherwise, on my own list of intentions.

Filed under: Family, Prayers Please, Site Info