Steve Skojec

Amused.I.Be:

The inimitable J.D. Carriere (and I do mean inimitable) has a penchant for the sort of humour (spelled with a “u” in deference to his Canadianishness) that the world no doubt believed died with P.G. Wodehouse.

In his post today, he addresses the way a gentlemen should handle one of the trickier perils of immodesty:

You have, Dear Reader, perhaps had stuck between your teeth something vegetable; a poppy seed, spinach, whatnot.

Likewise indecent exposure. To rectify one’s unintended display, be it buffet or bosom, it is always better to know.
So when a lady has fallen the rest of the way out of her summer top, it is not proper for the gentleman to assume she meant to, whatever the prevailing fashion of the place.

Though he be divided between his own discomfort at raising the topic and the plight, unsightly or otherwise, of the hapless lass, the truly decent gentleman willingly undertakes in all things to subordinate his own comfort in service to the other.

He may not shirk, lest, imagine the tumult, the exposed lady next meet her clergyman or her grandfather.

Neither may he snicker or leer. Leering is to be saved for his wife and snickering for later.

So the gentleman will proceed, delicately, thus:

“Forgive my noticing, Miss, but to save you a felony charge it is my profound discomfiture to inform you that you appear to have misplaced your areola. Not, mind you, that it is lost. Rather, Miss, you see it is very much in evidence. I thought it best you should know. Good day.”.

His duty done, he may retire for cocktails.

Though we wouldn’t consider it an adequate reason to use NFP, a day spent at home with the kids leads, often enough, to essentially the same outcome. This of course has more to do with sheer child-chasing exhaustion, mess-cleaning frustration, or uncontrollable cathartic fits of laughter than any calculated application of the sympto-thermal method (click for larger size):

Exhibit “A”

Exhibit “B”

The official story is that the kids pulled down the books and Ivan decided to scale on up to the DVDs. No doubt there was a movie up there that he really wanted to see.

Jamie says to me:

Yesterday, I caught Ivan on the third shelf, stuck there…crying “mum… ahhhh… ahhhhh… mum!” I got pictures of the offense for posterity. That [second] one is of Ivan wondering why I’m not getting him down… and am only snapping pictures. This fully implicates him.

Indeed it does. This is going in his permanent record, ready for display to a girlfriend should the need arise.

This gets a little crass in the middle, but it’s LOL funny nonetheless. I wrecked my pants because I was laughing so hard:

My lovely wife IMed me today (yes, Hilary, that’s an internet verb) with quite possibly the funniest thing anyone has ever asked me. I will now provide a transcript for posterity (edited for clarity):

jskojec: Have you ever eaten hot sauce so hot you loose your earing a little bit?

Steve: my hearing? Holy s**t, no!

Steve: I don’t think that’s supposed to happen!

jskojec: I just put a crap load of my hot sauce on some fried rice I made, and I think I lost my hearing a little bit while I was eating it. LOL

Steve: ALOL (actually laughing out loud)

jskojec: my tongue is still burning…

Steve: HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE

Steve: ROFL

jskojec: I don’t know it felt almost like the inside of my ears were melting.

Steve: ALOL!L!L!L!

Steve: I am crying at my desk laughing…

Steve: holy goodness…I have tears streaming down my face

I’m willing to bet that this is almost certainly not as funny to anyone else as it is to me.

All I have to say is this - if Jesus comes riding into town on a T-Rex, you can pretty well bet the farm that the eschaton is at hand.

I am a huge fan of Ricky Gervais’s original BBC version of The Office. A buddy of mine discovered it about 6 years ago, and when he came to visit, we watched the entire first season in one sitting.

Perhaps this is why I absolutely, positively, CAN NOT STAND the American version. I want it to be funny. I try to wish it into funnyness. And yet, every time I give it a shot, the only two words that come to mind are:

Leave it to Ricky Gervais to find a way to make even the humorless Steve Carell enjoyable to watch, if only because this somehow parodies his own inanity. Without further ado, I present the debut of the original Japanese version of The Office:

There were two things I learned for certain on the French Riviera: women’s bathing suit tops were entirely optional, with no distinctions made for the delight or disgust of bystanders; and secondly, no man is ever too old for a speedo.

In Florida, which also has its share of places which adhere to the former rule, the latter is apparently debatable. Some police officer, who should be deemed a hero to the people, apparently ticketed a man for wearing a Speedo on a public beach.

Not surprisingly, the ticket held up in court about as well as the swimwear in question probably did.

This impersonation is SPOT-on.

(Image Credit)